Are You Willing to Move Carts?

The real reasons why some people progress and others don't

I have been looking for years to separate out the reasons why some people progress in their careers and others don't. Trying to understand what causes some people to be successful by most definitions and others to stay stagnant in their lives. On this quest of over ten years, I of course had my break through revelation in the most logical and classiest of places; the WalMart Parking lot.

As much as I live for wally world shopping trips, I declined to go in and volunteered to stay with two of our three children in the car. My wife, Alyssa,  took our youngest son, Grayson into the store on a life or death mission for M & Ms, which all parents know are a necessity for potting training at least one of your children (whether you want to admit it or not.) While she spent a solid five minutes in our shopping destination of choice (or lack there of), I got down to serious high quality observation and research on success that would make Malcolm Gladwell jealous.

Naturally the one parking spot that was open had carts near the front of it. Two carts in fact, pushed haphazardly up against the gold Mitsubishi in front of me as I pulled into the space. My first thought was to get out and put the carts back in the cart return that was only two stalls over but just then the people who belonged to the vehicle next to the carts came out of the store and delicately tried to get into their car without touching nor moving the carts. This was challenging because one of the two was right in front of the passenger car door. They successfully found their way into the vehicle and eventually pulled away. At this point, I thought, I am going to sit here and just watch what happens.

4 and 1/2 Mistakes to Avoid for your 2013 goals

Over the last few years my wife, Alyssa, and I spent some time to write down year long goals for various different areas of our life. Some of you might do the same thing and you have no doubt experienced the power of focused intensity on one particular area of your life. It is amazing how just by taking the time to give thought enough to create a SMART goal that you are committed to, will make it much more likely that it will happen.

I wanted to share some things that we have made mistakes on involving our goals, that way it will hopefully save some of you from having to go through some of the same pain.

Mistake #1: The invisible goals!

I am ashamed to say that we have taken a bunch of time to establish goals, in detail, by writing them down ,  agreeing and committing to them, making sure each one is both challenging but not unreachable, and then putting them away never to be seen again. Unless of course you really just like not getting anywhere fast, you should instead both write them down and then display them someplace prominent like the refrigerator or kitchen where you will see them often.

Mistake #2: Well it sounded good…(Head nodding without commitment)

It is apparently very possible to spend a bunch of time creating a number of goals that one person in the relationship isn't very committed to. And guess what happens when you are not truly committed to a goal from the beginning? You guessed it! Success in this area does not last very long.

This means you will have to be committed enough to really talk through what both of you want as a couple. We also found that some goals, like health for instance, should really be set on an individual basis. My goal for this year is to get to 12% body fat and there is no way my wife can be the one to come up with that goal and have it be effective. It is important she be there when it is established so that she can commit to supporting me.

The only exception to this might be something like "Work out together as a couple 3 times each week" or "Run the Portland Marathon together in September" In the case of the latter you may or may not even train together.   This will likely be the case for Career and potentially Social as well. I would suggest making sure that goals in the areas of Financial, Spiritual, (need I say) Relationship and Family all are collaborative and not individual goals but more importantly make sure you are not head nodding to anything you are not truly committed to. Take the time to talk it out and respect each other enough to come to something you are both dedicated to. Otherwise it can take the great activity of setting goals and turn it around to become something that you resent later on during the year when it is clear that there is no real commitment.

 Don't mess this one up!

Mistake #3:  I can't see that we are winning

This sounds silly as I am writing this but somehow in the past we have been able to simultaneously have goals (during the same year) that we achieve because we see that we are having success with them and have others that are not working because we did not take the time to realize the importance of this. For example; one year we had focused on removing all forms of debt as a financial goal and took the time to chart it out over the course of the year and review our progress every single week while updating our accounts and budgets. At the same time we completely abandoned our relationship goals part way through the year because we had not done some of the up front or maintenance work that caused success with the other area.

What caused the difference in our behaviors and over the long run was very simply breaking the large goal down into smaller pieces and at the same time making sure it is measurable in a way that is prominent and visible to us. The financial goals we saw how much debt we were paying off and later our savings and investments growing while our relationship goals we made no attempt to break down into smaller chunks. This is not only particularly effective by making a large goal more realistic, but it gives you small wins that help you push through to the end. The way I am writing this blog right now is just by writing 2 paragraphs each day. This little at a time approach helps you build momentum toward accomplishment with each small win.

Mistake #4: What was that goal again?

Virtually nobody writes down their goals. Statistically most of the people reading this haven't written down their goals. Not you? Of course not! Me either (wink, wink).  Ok you got me, I have made the mistake of not writing them down and guess what usually they didn't happen. This is applicable anywhere! I used to set weekly goals for myself when I was in sales, my boss would always try to get me to commit to something higher and then I would record it and turn it in for the week. Guess what! I would generally hit whatever I wrote down (or in this case put in excel) As long as I was committed to it, when I put it in that self prophesizing spreadsheet, all of a sudden it was more likely to be achieved. The act of writing your goals down makes it real and causes you to commit to them on a different level, I know logically this should not work but humans are often not logical creatures (we only think that we are.) 

Mistake #4.5: Wait a minute, I have to start?

Start right now! Today, if you have not already taken this step, it is not too late. Make sure you are focusing on goals, not resolutions, that are specific and measurable while getting you where you want to go long term. You are not a static being. You are always growing in the right way or the wrong way. For example in your relationship with your spouse you will actively grow together or unintentionally grow apart. Remember avoid our mistakes so you don't have to learn the hard way. 

Go Happen to You!

Your Piggily Marmoset Moment in 2013

Most weekends my wife and I try to do some type of activity with our kids. This particular weekend we did not have anything planned so on a whim (and with no better more creative ideas), I took our son, Camden, and daughter, Mackenzie, outside to go "exploring" in our back yard. This consisted of a glorified game of follow the leader where we took turns looking at natures' debris which was our curiosity shop of treasures for the moment. We found several different types of bugs, leaves, moss that was odd colored and growing on one of our trees, but the highlight of the day came when I took them to a pine tree near our fence that I had recently trimmed quite a few dead branches.

Where many of the branches used to be, instead there were sawed off nubs with gold colored tree sap dripping out of it. I showed my two oldest children and you would have thought they were watching the first landing on the moon or at least experiencing their first ride on an elevator or some other significant milestone. Whatever it was their excitement level certainly outmatched the sticky substance that was pouring out of tree. After the ooh's and aahhs, mackenzie took another look and then said "dad that's what a piggily marmoset eats."

I was stunned for two reasons; the first of which was I had no idea what a piggily marmoset was and my 5 year old daughter clearly did. I knew this because she adamantly explained that they live in the rainforest and eat sap from the trees. It didn't stop here because she proceeded to provide a national geographic worthy narrative of the piggily marmoset. The second reason I was so surprised was that she connected all of this information and facts about the marmoset to tree sap. She knew theoretically that they ate this, but really had no idea what tree sap actually was. This connection in her mind all of a sudden made it real for her.  This marmoset (actually called a pygmy marmoset and is a very small monkey) now was something she could identify with and tell stories about all because she was able to experience something different and out of routine that caused her to grow and learn. More importantly than that though it caused her to connect ideas and knowledge in a new and different way.

If you are willing to try something different (or even just slightly different) you can experience a whole new frontier of connecting things you already know in a new and different way. Furthermore if you intentionally do this and even look for opportunities to take advantage of "learning opportunities" that you wouldn't normally take, it will open up doors for you. Best of all this often puts you in a position to be able to help others in ways that you wouldn't have been able to before.

As we have turned the corner into January and the possibilities for you, your career and your growth are endless, I hope you have many exciting "Piggily Marmoset Moments" in 2013!

Why Your Self Development is like My 3 Year Old

Photo: Scott Barlow

The other day my 3 year old boy, Camden, spent about 20 minutes putting together a floor sized puzzle of a bright green  snarling, tyrannosaurus rex. This in itself was amazing because he is similar to many other 3 year old boys and has the attention span of T minus 3,..2,..1,.. blastoff to the next experience. He is normally flitting from activity to activity attempting to leave a small trail of destruction and newly uninteresting toys in his wake. Today was unique for a different reason though; After he finished putting it together he showed off his puzzle  and then…. HE CLEANED IT UP (Loud dramatic movie sound effects follow).

Ok now this probably doesn't seem that amazing to most people reading this, but let me give you some backstory: We had been working with him since before he could put anything away on his own, trying to make sure that he picks up the  things he gets out or plays with. This is the very first time he did it by himself with no prompting from us. He just finished playing and cleaned it up and put the puzzle box back on the shelf by himself. You may still be asking what the big deal is. This probably means you have perfect kids that have been cleaning their rooms, knitting small hats with unnecessary gloves for your pets, and learning how to conjugate verbs in another language since they were 18 months old, but for myself and my wife, this was a big win.

As the novelty wore off I realized just how much there was buried in this very small life event. All of the preparation and discipline to build this routine and habit are the same as what goes into building great habits and routines in both your career and your personal growth. Whether it be networking, developing great meeting habits, personal organization, or any number of other behaviors that can help your career or self development, here are some ways to make them into routine.

Use an accountability partner

If you have ever spent any amount of time working out at a gym you have probably heard about the personal trainer that is available there. You have probably also heard a number of people who will tell you that working out with a personal trainer is more effective than working out alone. Is it their mass amount of knowledge and doctorate in "personal trainer science" that makes all the difference? Probably not. It is many times the accountability and different behaviors that you will exhibit if someone else is involved. (although for the benefit of any personal trainers that may have just stopped reading this blog one sentence ago, I will admit that having someone who knows what they are doing does help too!)

Maybe you are a new manager working on building relationships with a new team, or maybe you are someone who is trying to expose yourself to new companies by participating in networking events, either way, get someone else who you trust involved in the process. Ask them to hold you accountable on a regular basis (usually weekly is a great way to go for most habits) this can be as simple as having a recurring 10 minute phone meeting with that person to check in and update them on your progress for the week. This has to be someone that is willing to kick your behind (out of concern for you) if you don’t live up to your end of the bargain.

In Camden's case, he had a built in accountability partner whether he liked it or not, to make sure he was exhibiting the right behaviors. The concept and the end result are the same though. He eventually started to clean up after himself after continuously working to integrate it into regular behavior. As with many other things, it is often the simple principles that are most effective.

Make it a part of your day: Put it on the calendar

This one sounds obvious right? Many people still don't do it. With Camden, we would have weekly and nightly chores to make sure we did not miss opportunities to build his routine of cleaning up. We wrote up what was happening when and put it on the fridge and put pictures for each chore so it made sense to him. That way it was a part of his and our lives and we couldn't ignore it.

 If you want to integrate something into your routine put it on the calendar. I did this with pieces of David Allen's "Getting Things Done" system to integrate good habits into my world and create headspace for innovation and creativity. Another time this came in handy was transitioning careers and companies. Thinking about what you will do ahead of time allows for maximum focus when the time comes to actually do it. I use outlook for my work calendars and gmail for my personal calendars. On both of these I will often put an agenda or notes or a cheat sheet in the body area, that way when the time comes to do whatever it is, I do not have to spend any time rethinking about the activity. Instead I can review the calendar item and move right to action.

Surround yourself with encouragement

When we first started having Camden clean up his toys or anything else for that matter, here is how it went: He would put one tiny toy away and we would be jumping up and down clapping and shouting "Great job!" and "You are a rock star room cleaner" and then... we would end up putting every other toy in the room away. That is how it begins, then slowly over time he started really contributing to the success of his room cleaning endeavors, right up until the apex where apparently he just thought it was a part of the process.

You can do this too without having to get your parents on speaker phone for commentary on your rockstar status as an inbox "cleaner outer". Instead choose to share your wins with others who will provide encouragement when you are doing the right things. I used to go for a run during lunch with another guy who was a fairly positive person and he would often provide encouraging words when things that I was working on were going right. This was extremely helpful to reinforce any behaviors I was working on at the time.

You can also do this by providing encouragement for others, you will find that when you establish this as part of the relationship it will often come back to you. Camden, for the longest time would burst into applause when I would put my socks and shirts away in my closet. See!... Encouragement often reciprocates.

The real moral of this story is that no matter where you look you can find ways that fit into your own life to continue to develop yourself. This is an important part of your continuing career no matter what your role and more importantly, with a little help in the right places it can be so simple that a 3 year old can do it